are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize