She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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