What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
