A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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