come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Iād clean the kitchen before making food. Mark ārang in the New Yearā with some rando in there last night
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