his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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