He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
