mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
