i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
