she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
