Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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