i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
