By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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