Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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