Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
id be glad to
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
