i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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