My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
