I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
