I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My dick has a subreddit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
