I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
