The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
