My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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