this beer tastes like vomit already
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
