my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
