Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
