Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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