I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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