I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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