Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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