woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
