dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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