He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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