Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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