your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
