I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
