Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
