I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
