My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
