3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
