he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
