Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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