I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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