Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
