I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
