i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
