at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm having to shit out rocks
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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