Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
