Taylor Swift is so right about you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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