For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
