i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
