I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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