me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
