Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize