oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
