So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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