remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The power of my boobs compel you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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