My first STD was from a foam party
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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