Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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