Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize