i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
