I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize