we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
