Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize