my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
