he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
