Even the bartender felt bad for me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I currently don't understand fingers.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
