Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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