cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Even my vagina gasped.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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