i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
